Trying to live is not easy. The world we move through can feel heavy with negativity, and finding people who bring real, meaningful positivity into your life isn’t always simple. I am lucky — I truly am — to have a family that loves and supports me. But somewhere along the way, the person I became found it difficult to rely on them. And if you struggle to rely on the people closest to you, opening up to new people can feel almost impossible. I’ve often been told how happy I was as a child. Sometimes that’s hard to believe, because it feels as though life has slowly consumed so much of that lightness. Life comes with highs and lows, yet we often remember the falls more vividly than the rises. It can be painful to look back and struggle to find the good among the difficult. I’ve been through things that have changed me. My trust in people is at an all-time low. I’ve spent years trying to build friendships with people who genuinely care, and that hasn’t always been easy. Working in the in...
It’s been a few years since I last had the thought to write again. Life reached a point where I needed to return to something I knew once helped me make sense of things. October 2023 marked three years since my last blog post — a post where I began to explain just one of the many health conditions I live with. Three years later, a removed bowel, a liver transplant behind me, and the possibility of another diagnosis ahead, it’s clear that these experiences have taken a significant toll on me — both physically and mentally. Without fully realising it at the time, the trauma and hurt I’ve been carrying have led to an overwhelming cycle of on-and-off depression over the last two years. There are many things I’ve been able to achieve in my 29 years on this planet. But feeling loved — and having genuine love for myself — are not among them. My name is Keiran “Mandell” McPherson. Some of you know me as “ Keekz .” At the age of 15, ...