Flirting With Death

Having Started 2022 strong setting goals for the year and making lifestyle changes, it was clear to me that I wanted to make 2022 the best year I could make it! The previous years had been consumed by Covid lockdowns and my personal health battles, having just recovered from Liver Transplantation. 

The year started with a new opportunity coming out of meeting a family who was running a Caribbean-themed restaurant, they wanted to bring a musical aspect to the dining experience for their customers so they had asked me to DJ there on some occasions. This would be one of my first experiences DJing regularly and being paid for entertaining people. The opportunity to Dj in this restaurant gave me regular practice and enabled me to improve my confidence and skills in DJing. I would go on to take various opportunities DJing in clubs/bars in and around Hoxton and Shoreditch in London, and even DJing in a club in Manchester.

In my previous blog, I spoke about having had a major setback as it was discovered that the Auto - Immune disease that led to me needing a transplant had returned and was causing issues for my Liver again. The disappointment of hearing that my immune system was attacking my liver again was unexplainable, knowing that I may be going through the whole experience again and that there was little I could do about it. 

I was 25 living amongst people who would have their own personal problems. Sometimes I wished that the problems that they were dealing with were the only things that I would need to worry about. It was different for me as things other people were going through became added weight to my existing health issues that I was encountering. 

My mental health was all over the place, I noticed that I had only one happy place and that was when I was DJing, hearing music and playing songs that made people feel different emotions gave me a sense of belonging but things would always change when the music stopped and I had to make my way back to “reality”. 

Day to Day I was uncertain of my position at work, I was working on a rolling contract that was renewing every 3 months and I had little job security this caused me stress as I didn’t know if I would be in a job come to the end of each 3 month period, the uncertainty of not knowing whether I would be able to pay bills or try to enjoy my lifestyle, things were all over the place.

Throughout my issues with work the ulcerative colitis that I had been diagnosed with had also been flaring up, it reminded me of the time when it was at its worse in 2016/2017. I was having to use the toilet up to 10-15 times a day, running to the bathroom with urgency. Anything that I ate would seemingly go straight through me as after meals/snacks I would be running to the toilet. Colitis is a very straining disease and not only took a lot out of me physically but also mentally. I would lack sleep and had very little energy to do anything. 

Even though I was battling through all these issues, I tried to remain positive, keeping a positive outlook on life. I was better off than some other people in the world, I still had my life to live, I have a loving family, and was enjoying my hobbies in the form of DJing. My positive outlook on the life I had was keeping me from going into depression.

Life was truly taking me on a rollercoaster ride that had the most ups and downs. December 2022 marked the 3rd year since I received my Liver Transplant. It also marked a period where I would find myself back in Kings College Hospital.

It was a Sunday, and I woke up to use the bathroom, but as I stood up I felt dizzy, I sat back down hoping that it would become better, I made it to the bathroom but still felt dizzy. I returned to my room to sit on my bed thinking that things would feel better. I lay in bed as the feeling of being dizzy reduced. I then got up to get some food downstairs, having ordered a breakfast sandwich from UberEats as I prepared the sandwich on a plate I started to feel dizzy again, I remember collapsing to the ground as the feeling of being dizzy got worse, I heard a ringing sound in my ears as the room was spinning around me. As I lay on the ground there seemed like a moment that I had lost consciousness, when I came back around I decided to call my mum and asked her to come back home as I was having all these symptoms that didn’t feel right. I made the decision to try and make my way back upstairs which would lead to me collapsing again as I reached the top of the stairs in the hallway. By this time my mum had contacted my Aunt who lived close by and had a spare key to my home. I managed to fight my way back to my room although feeling dizzy and now losing air to breathe. I lay on my bed, now struggling to breathe. 

I felt my breath becoming shorter and shorter my eyes closing with each breath, in my head, I started praying to a God I hadn’t had any contact with for some years, saying goodbye to family and friends, hoping that if that moment was my last that they would all be ok. 

As you’re reading this now I was able to get over that terrible moment that I thought was my last, having flirted with death over the many years I have had lived with Auto-Immune diseases, surviving a Liver transplant and recovering well from it, this moment could not have been the end of my story.