How Many Times?

I have tried my best in everything I have done, growing up I felt that I was entitled to good things because I was a good person. Now that I have been in the “real world” for a while now I’ve realised how wrong I was. Seeing good people who have passed away or those who have life-changing illnesses just like mine has truly humbled me. 

It doesn’t matter what you do as a person challenging things can happen to anyone, it is up to you as a person to take what you are given and learn lessons from it. The human body is so fragile, but we often forget about how much the mind takes a battering, we are constantly seeing things and going through situations where we have bad experiences and make us think negatively. 

We all have different things that we turn to when we are feeling negative. For me my main passion and outlet is music. I turn to music when I want to cry, laugh, feel angry or calm down. It brings me so many different emotions when I listen to music. Having come from a very musical background it makes sense that I turn to it in my difficult times. My Dad is a DJ who has also inspired me to take up the hobby of DJing, just before my surgery and first lockdown I bought my first set of controllers to try and learn how to DJ. I watched YouTube videos and took a hands-on approach to how I learnt. I knew that the way I would learn would be by actually trying to do it myself rather than someone teaching me their way.

Since learning how to mix two tracks I am proud to say that I have built my platform on social media that has allowed me to have been offered to do two guest mixes for an online radio station, and just as proud to have produced a mixtape on Soundcloud and Mixcloud. 

It's crazy how the mind can make you feel though, as even after these achievements I started to lose my passion for music and DJing. Going through a low point after another failed relationship I started to question everything. I was getting all these opportunities whilst I was with my last partner, I asked if I had compromised my goals if things would have worked out better, but I will never know, and you shouldn’t have to give up the things or people you love. 

Relationships take a lot from both people, it is a lot of giving and take, but ultimately you both have to be on the same page about everything and communicate in every aspect. Communication however is something I am not the best at, I hate conflicting situations as I find it hard to voice my opinions especially when I am emotional or feel strongly about a particular subject. It became very apparent that dating someone who challenged me and spoke her mind that I was out of my comfort zone, a lot of the time I didn’t know how to reply to questions or requests, I tried to avoid conflicting conversations at all times, but there was just no getting away from them. As time went on I learnt to communicate better but I still have a lot to work on. 

I’m grateful for all the experiences I have gone through in life as it made me who I am today, learning is important to me and all the things I go through teach me lessons, no human is perfect and we all make mistakes, it is important to learn from your mistakes so that you do not make those same mistakes again. Positive changes in our behaviour can make a difference in our relationships with those around us.

We sometimes rely on our family and friends when we are down to help us get out of our negative mindsets, but the only person who can do that is ourselves. Music is my outlet, find your own. It could be going for walks, going to the gym, listening to music, writing a journal. Recognise your triggers for when you are feeling low `and turn to your outlet to help reduce your low mood. Feeling low is okay but we must try hard to enjoy life when we can.

I hope reading this blog will be able to help someone send it to a friend if you think they will find it helpful.

Love & Guidance 

Keiran x