Going Through The Most

Post-transplant I had to learn how to look at my self differently, I have gone through different phases in my journey. Learning that I would have a scar of my body that would mostly be visible, I had plans of getting a tattoo to hide it, I’ve now learnt to love it, its a reminder to me of what I’ve gone through but also it makes me even more unique, not many people can say they have had a liver transplant.  I read a study of someone calls Kubler- Ross, he looks at the different stages of grief, Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance. The beginning of the journey in the hospital was surreal, it all happened quickly and I didn’t have much time to process the situation at all I couldn’t comprehend that I had someone else liver inside me and that my liver had been sent off for research.  I came home and was in a state of shock as the days went on I became angrier with everything that was going on. I remember having a conversation about it with my mum as I was go

I’ve had many people tell me over the years to tell the story I have been going through, I wasn’t comfortable to tell anyone what I was going through.  In April 2017 I was baptised, I had felt that at this point in my life I had gone through so much, I had been in situations where I couldn’t even deny that there was a God. Although my battle with the illnesses continued I put my life in God's hands and asked for forgiveness and to be reborn. The baptism was the first time I opened up about the things I was going through, I had a lot of issues and I felt as if I had to release some of the troubles I was going through. It felt good as if a load lifted off of my shoulders, and from this point, I tried to be transparent as possible.  But I still had difficulties in other parts of my life letting people know how I felt. The relationship I was I seemed perfect we had good days and bad like most couples but overall we were both happy. When Ulcerative Colitis (UC) was as its

When you go through a situation that is life-changing you can’t help but look to past moments where things were better. I try not to have regrets but I do wish that in those moments that I was better that I took more time to do the things that I enjoyed. I spent a lot of my time working and doing things for others I never really done anything for myself.  Whilst in hospital I took the time to look at myself and see what I had achieved, and although I was proud with what I had done for myself I felt that I wasn’t in the place where I thought I would be everything had drastically changed. I was at a place where I was sitting in the ward and had lost confidence in myself, I had no sense of normality. Things that I wanted to do I may not ever be able to do. I was learning to inject insulin when my blood sugar levels were too high. The new diabetes diagnoses brought a kind of chaos. My mum was so very worried she couldn’t comprehend what I was now going through. I was getting frustrated and

Writing is my new outlet but each time I write I realise how much I hold on to, as I started the blog it became something I wanted to do to just share my story. I’ve now found that it is something I need to do with each blog more tears stream down my face, emotions I feel I can’t express in any other way. I don’t know my path or what is meant to come from me writing these blogs, I hope it helps someone. But I know know that it is helping me, to sit and think about what has gone on in the last 6 months. This journey has brought me closer to family and friends I have been able to see things differently and take life as it is and be thankful for what I have and who I have around me. Life is short as hell, and we are all seeing that within this crazy time we are all living in. I usually sit up at early hours in the mornings writing these blogs because I just can’t seem to sleep anymore, it's been like this since I went into the hospital. It is said that when someone else's or